Play the Man Page 13

  He gritted his teeth and tried to tell himself that Ryan wasn’t trying to be demeaning toward him. However, everything he was saying seemed to be a backhanded jab at him. Like Ryan knew he one-upped him by getting the girl. Nick was a competitive guy, and he was focused and determined; once he set a goal for himself, he worked like hell until he got it. But he couldn’t have Jenna if she wouldn’t let him have her. She’d made her choice, but it still wasn’t sitting right with him. He wanted to know why.

  Jenna had no intentions of getting out of bed now. She just wanted to curl up and cry. Things were fucked up. She didn’t usually like cuss words; she didn’t usually speak them and she didn’t even think them, but she couldn’t help but use them to describe her current situation.

  She hadn’t been happy lately; that was evident to her. She was annoyed with Ryan and was upset at the same time, because they were drifting apart at the very time when they should have been moving closer together. Maybe she wanted too much. The first thing that Jenna wanted was to feel that type of emotional connection with Ryan again, but she apparently hadn’t been clear enough in her wishes. She wanted to feel that connection with Ryan, but she found herself connecting with Nick in a way she had never imagined. Never in a million years had she expected to sleep with someone other than her fiancé, or that she would like it as much as she did. It wasn’t just that Nick knew all the right moves—it was like he felt what she felt and he thought what she thought. They connected. She should have been feeling guilty still, but instead she was thinking about how Ryan’s attempts that night just didn’t compare to Nick’s.

  The second thing she had wanted was Ryan taking an avid interest in the wedding. No, scratch that—she didn’t even care if it was an avid interest, so long as it was an interest. And it seemed as though he was finally coming around to it, but it couldn’t have happened at a worse time. A mere few hours ago, if he had brought that list to her, it would have brightened more than just her day; it would have brightened her year. She was supposed to be excited, but she wasn’t. It was the complete opposite; she was dreading having that list now. That meant she needed to order the invitations and find a caterer and.... And she wasn’t sure if it was still a good idea to move forward with the wedding.

  As she contemplated her options, she heard a knock at the door. It could only be one person: Nick. She wanted to ignore him or yell at him to go away, but she was also worried that maybe he was sick or not feeling well caused by their excursion to the Art Institute. Maybe it was too much for him after suffering the concussion several days ago. By the time it took her to find her pajamas and pull them back on, Nick knocked again.

  “Yeah, Nicky?” she asked, diving back under the covers and pulling them up to her chin. The blankets provided a shield between them.

  “Can we talk?”

  Jenna absolutely, positively, without a doubt wanted to avoid hearing whatever it is he wanted to talk about. “I don’t think we have anything else to say to each other.”

  He stepped further into the room, until he was at the foot of the bed and he was looking down at her. It bothered him to be in this room, where he had shared such a passionate act with Jenna, only to have it ruined by Ryan. “I think we need to talk about what happened—”

  “Why? What happened? You said we didn’t have to tell Ryan. I think you’re right. I think that’s the best thing to do.”

  “I can’t pretend it didn’t happen, Jenna. I can not tell Ryan, but I can’t get it out of my head.”

  “Well, too bad. You and I both need to just forget.” She shook her head and hoped her mind was like an Etch-A-Sketch: if she shook it long enough and hard enough, the images would fade away. “Nicky, what we did.... I don’t know why we did it. But we never should have, and we can just erase it from our memories. Like you said, Ryan doesn’t need to know. He’d be devastated and hurt, and I’d like to protect him from that. So let’s just forget about it, okay?”

  Nick looked away. No, it wasn’t okay. He wanted to tell her that, but she was practically pleading with him. And all Nick wanted was to make Jenna happy. If he thought that maybe Ryan could do that for her... then he was going to have to be the bigger person and let her try. Nick was used to making sacrifices, and usually that didn’t bother him. This particular sacrifice, though, was more difficult than the rest. “If that’s what you want, Jenna.”

  “Yup. That’s what I want,” she replied. “It was a one-time thing. Nothing more.”

  Nick nodded and left the room. Just as Ryan and Jenna were hoping for things between them to go back to normal, Nick knew he had to go back to his old ways of containing and hiding his feelings. He supposed that was his fate, to always pine after what he couldn’t have. He tried to savor his memories, but he couldn’t help but think that maybe he would have been better off if he’d never known what it was like to make true love.

  When Nick closed the door behind him, Jenna glanced to the spot he had just left. She had meant everything she said to him, about forgetting about their little rendezvous. Even though she knew it was the right thing to do, she still couldn’t get it out of her own head. She couldn’t follow her own advice and forget about the ways he made her feel. Part of her didn’t want to forget what it was like to feel like that.

  Chapter 14

  Jenna tried to keep to her word: forget the whole thing ever happened. Go back to the way things were. When she woke up on Monday morning, she tried to bury her shame and go about her day as she normally would. Without Ryan in town, she wouldn’t be able to go to her classes; Nick still couldn’t be left alone. Luckily for her, she didn’t need to be around him constantly, but he needed someone to be around, just in case. With the team gone for the game against the Minnesota Wild, there really wasn’t anyone who could help her out right now. Jenna realized that she shouldn’t have been so open with her invitation to bring Nick into her home, but she had no idea what the consequences were going to be. She didn’t know this was going to happen.

  And what happened had been weighing on her mind all night. It made her sick to her stomach with worry. She was a cheater, and it didn’t matter that she had been emotional and got caught up in the moment. Jenna knew that there were no excuses she could list that would or could exculpate herself in this situation. It was no one’s fault but her own, and she’d have to live with this mistake for the rest of her life. But hopefully, she’d be the only one in this relationship that would know that. It was for Ryan’s own good that she decided to keep it to herself. Nick’s lips were sealed, too, so Ryan would never have to hear the truth.

  The worst part was that she could still feel Nick’s hands on her—even after having been with Ryan. She couldn’t forget despite her best efforts, and that was what bothered her most of all. Jenna so desperately wanted to forget and put that Sunday behind her. Something was bugging her and not letting her move on. However, she figured that she just needed some time and some distance from him. Once Nick went away, and once Ryan came back home and spent some quality time with her (in and out of bed), she’d forget and they’d finally get that happily ever after she’d pined after for so long.

  She dragged herself out of bed and showered, and then she dressed in jeans and a baggy, woolen sweater. Continuing with her morning, she searched the kitchen cabinets for something to eat for breakfast. Her appetite had left her, but she figured she should at least eat something. She settled on some oatmeal but only ate half of it before she moved to the sink and fed it into the garbage disposal.

  Nick stepped beside her. “Good morning.”

  “Morning, Nicky,” she said, trying to sound cheerful. Trying to sound like she had taken her own advice and had completely forgotten everything that happened yesterday. But she couldn’t bring herself to look up at his face. “What do you want for breakfast?”

  “Umm, whatever,” he replied, running his hand back and forth through his hair. He knew that they were walking a thin line, and he didn’t want to push anything out of sorts. He
tried to be as complacent as possible.

  “‘Whatever’ is not an answer,” she told him with a smile, being as lighthearted as possible. “I can’t cook you ‘whatever.’ French toast? Eggs sunny side up? Just name it.”

  “You don’t have to go through all that trouble, Jenna.”

  “Nonsense. You’re my guest. Besides, I don’t mind.” She purposely left out that she wanted something to do, something to distract her, so she didn’t have to face him yet. She was still embarrassed and guilt-ridden that she had slept with him. And also a little unsure if she had purged him from her system.

  “If you insist. French toast sounds great.” Jenna nodded at his response and got to work, slicing the bread and creating the egg mixture. She concentrated on cooking and tried to plunge herself into the process, but she could feel Nick’s eyes on her as she moved about the kitchen. It unnerved her a little, because she was waiting for him to say something about the taboo topic she desperately wanted to avoid. But he didn’t say anything about that subject; he offered to help instead. “Is there anything I can do?”

  “Sure. You can get the skillet from underneath the oven, and then turn the front burner on medium-high heat.”

  Nick did as he was instructed and helped out when she needed it. When his assistance became unnecessary, he hopped up on the counter and watched as he grabbed a banana and ate it. Jenna dipped the bread in the eggy mixture and waited for it to soak some of it up before placing the piece of French toast gingerly on the hot skillet.

  She handed Nick a spatula. “Keep an eye on them, and flip ‘em when that side’s done.”

  “How do I know?” he asked, staring at the skillet.

  “Have you had French toast before?”

  “Of course.”

  “Okay. When it looks like what you’ve eaten before, then it’s done.”

  He threw his head back and laughed. “You’re so helpful. You know that? Like I paid attention to what it looked like. Besides, once you add the maple syrup—”

  “You Canadians and your maple syrup. It’s disgusting the way you guys eat that stuff,” Jenna chuckled.

  Nick continued to laugh. “You just don’t appreciate good maple syrup.”

  “Oh, I do. I’m from New Hampshire. It may not be Canada, but still. It’s supposed to add a little flavor. You’re not supposed drown your food in it.”

  “You don’t know what you’re missing out on,” he said in singsong voice as he lifted the corner of a piece of French toast. “Is it supposed to be this brown?”

  “You’re burning it!” she exclaimed, shooing him out of the way and taking over at the post in front of the stove. “This is why you’re a hockey player. You can whiz around on sharp pieces of metal on a slippery surface and put a tiny black disc in a guarded net, but you’re absolutely worthless in the kitchen. Give me that,” she added, holding out her hand for the spatula.

  He smiled and handed it over gladly, turning back into a spectator as she flipped his breakfast and tended to it. Jenna looked at him through the corner of her eye, thinking that if they could laugh and joke like this already, maybe it would be easier than she thought to forget about what happened.

  Ryan was glad to be on the flight home after the win over the Wild. He hadn’t put up any points, but it was a good game. Especially since they had been without Nick for the second game in a row. Plus, he had talked to Jenna earlier in the day to find out that Nick had been cleared to go home on the following day. Actually, Nick could have gone home that day, but Ryan has insisted that he stay until Tuesday. That way, Nick wouldn’t be alone to ruminate on missing the game and Jenna wouldn’t be alone that night. It was the perfect arrangement.

  He slept a little on the flight home after declining a Call of Duty rematch against Brian. Ryan was looking forward to sleeping in his own bed before the team left for another away game, this time against the Florida Panthers. And Nick was going to go back to his own place, and it was just going to be him and Jenna again. The way it was supposed to be.

  By the time the plane landed and the guys went their separate ways, it was late night or very early morning. Ryan drove with the windows open and the music blaring so he’d stay awake long enough to get back to his house. He was glad that he had picked a place close enough to the arena to make that commute short, but it was still a half-hour drive home from the airport. As he neared his familiar neighborhood, he drummed his fingers against the steering wheel in time with the beat. The only good thing about driving this late at night was the diminished traffic and green lights.

  Ryan crashed through the door with his bag and dropped it and his keys somewhere in the living room before he made his way up the stairs. He was too tired to care about putting his stuff away now; he just wanted to get into bed with his girl and sleep until late morning—that’s just the way things were supposed to go. So that’s what he did: Ryan stripped off his clothes, sunk into bed, and curled up around Jenna. She didn’t even stir as he snaked his arm under her breasts and pulled her into his body. Hooking one leg over hers, he closed his eyes and almost instantly fell into a deep sleep.

  When Jenna woke up at 7:30, she could feel Ryan in bed with her. He wasn’t touching her, but she could feel his presence nonetheless. He was on his side and facing the wall, with his back turned to her. She spooned him and pressed her cheek against his warm back. Ryan always threw off a lot of body heat, which was great for Jenna because she was constantly cold. Jenna wrapped her arm around to his front and felt his taut abdominal muscles.

  He slowly roused out of his deep sleep, and it took him a few minutes before he knew what was going on. That it was in fact Jenna really touching him, rather than a dream. It’s not that Jenna never initiated sex; it had just been a while since she had done that. Ryan moaned groggily as the awareness hit him.

  “Good morning, Ryan,” she whispered, her voice raspy from sleep.

  “Good morning indeed,” he responded, using his hand to push hers lower down on his body where he wanted to be touched.

  Jenna chuckled as she wrapped her hand around his growing erection. “Just imagine what we can do once our house guest is gone. You should take him home.”

  “Yeah. I will.” Ryan licked his lips and closed his eyes.

  “Maybe you should do it now. So that way, we’ll have all day to spend here in bed,” she suggested. Even though Jenna had spent Monday alone with Nick without any incidents or much awkwardness, she still wanted him gone. It would be a huge weight off her chest to have him out of the house so she wouldn’t have to be reminded of her indecent actions and, even worse, her improper emotions when she looked at him.

  “How about we worry about taking him home when we need a break?” he asked, liking what Jenna was doing too much to want to stop. He grunted when she let go of him and rolled away. “What?”

  She shook her head and immediately got out of bed to start getting dressed. Jenna had really wanted Ryan to take Nick home so she wouldn’t have to do it. Well, if Ryan wasn’t going to do it, then she was. And she was doing it now.

  “What? Jenna, come on.”

  “No, you come on, Ryan. I thought you wanted Nicky gone. You didn’t want him here in the first place, so I thought you’d be pushing home out the door by now. And you said....” She stopped and took a deep breath. “Whatever. Stay in bed all day, for all I care.”

  “I just got home a couple of hours ago. I’m tired,” he explained. “Marty can wait a few more hours.”

  Jenna was angry, and she spit her words out at him. “Too tired to drive him, but not too tired for sex? That’s so typical, Ryan.”

  He inhaled and exhaled slowly; he didn’t want to fight again. “Okay,” he assented, pushing himself up on his elbows and the sheet tenting around his pelvis. “I’ll get up and do it. If it’s that big of a deal to you, I’ll do it.”

  “Too late now,” she hissed, rolling her eyes. “I’m already dressed. Forget about it. Stay in bed and jack yourself off. I don’t give a fl
ying fuck.”

  Ryan watched as Jenna flung the door open, passed through the threshold, and slammed the door shut behind her. He was absolutely bewildered by her sudden mood swing and crazy behavior.

  Jenna was fuming. She wasn’t even sure exactly why. Yes, she wanted Nick out of her house, and yes, she wanted Ryan to care enough to be the one to do it. But more so, she was feeling frustrated at the entire situation and, ergo, was taking it out on those around her.

  She pounded on Nick’s door. Against her better judgment, she twisted the knob and opened the door enough so she could bark her orders at him. Usually, Jenna would worry about if Nick was decently dressed, but she was too impatient to wait. Besides, if he wasn’t properly clothed, it wasn’t like she’d be seeing anything she hadn’t already seen. “Get up, Nicky,” she said sternly. “You’re going home now.”

  Nick was awake; the slamming of her bedroom door had startled him out of his slumber. The intrusion, though, he was still not expecting. He took one look at her red face and decided not to argue. In fact, Jenna didn’t even wait for Nick’s agreement before she closed the door behind him, totally demanding his compliance. He didn’t like seeing her this mad, and he sure as hell wasn’t going to add any fuel to the fire, so he obediently followed her orders.

  He tossed back the covers and quickly threw on a shirt, not even bothering to change out of his sweatpants. Quickly making sure all his belongings were in his duffel bag, he debated internally on whether he should strip the bed sheets. It would be the polite thing to do, and under normal circumstances, he certainly would have; however, he didn’t think Jenna would rationally and patiently wait while he played the role of gracious guest. With one more look to make sure he wasn’t forgetting anything, he grabbed his bag and left the room a minute after Jenna’s command.

  Nick jogged down the stairs just in time to see Jenna trip over what he was guessing was Ryan’s overnight bag in the living room. She grumbled under her breath, but Nick could still make out the words, albeit barely. “That’s it, Ryan. Just leave your fucking shit everywhere for me to pick up. Thanks a lot.” She kicked it out of her path and against the wall before she finished making her way to the door and slipped on her shoes. “Are you ready or what?” she asked him angrily, picking up her keys from the table by the door.